I really do not understand why it’s so hard for me
to really like and love myself, for all that I can be
is harsh and cruel to myself, more cruel even then
the ones I hate for hurting me, those hard, unfeeling men.

I know I do the best I can, and every day I fight,
to see that I am doing well, and let love shine it’s light.
I am so scared of doing wrong to others in my life
that I’m afraid to tell the truth if it would cause us strife.

I dare not say to others if I’m angry, hurt or mad,
at what they tried to do with me, all I can be is sad.
I know I do the best I can, but it’s never enough.
I never can do well, and never feel for me some love.

I feel my soul is light and strong, but it will never show
to people on the outisde as I feel that they could know.
All they can seem to see is someone ugly in my place,
and they can see my self hatred and loathing in my face.

I know that I am beautifull, but feel it I do not,
I hate myself, my body, what I look like still a lot.
So why do I enjoy humiliation, hurt and pain?
Is it becasue it’s all I know inside that I could ever gain?

Am I too scared to try a different outlook on myself?
But I have also tried that, and it never worked out well.
I know I can have better things in life, yet I return
time and again to feelings that make all my passion burn.